If you are a guy, you have probably had at least on super humiliating case of swamp ass. Its one of lifes little inevitabilities that get you at the worst times
We've all been there. Its warm outside, you've been walking, and you are wearing khaki colored pants. Before you know it, you're sporting a sweat stain that rivals the offensive line of the '94 Cowboys.
You always can tell you have the wet spot, but you can't always determine the size. Its hard to look at your own ass, and even harder to ask somebody to tell you how much butt sweat has soaked through to your pants.
The worst part is that there is abso-fucking-lutly nothing you can do to combat this unfortunate hygiene display once the glands get rolling. Plus you know what everyone is thinking. "Sweet grandma's spatula! That just made me puke in my mouth a little! Oh well, best not to tell him and just point and laugh from afar."
The best thing you can do to help prevent swamp ass is to wear cotton underwear. It absorbs a lot of the sweat before it hits your pants. Powdering your ass comes in a close second. Not a ton, because once you start sweating, you don't want it to turn into cake batter and have to spend the rest of your night picking dingleberrys out of your ass hair.
The unfortunate side effect of swamp ass is magnet balls. (sticky balls, sweaty balls) If you wear boxers, you could end up with this uncomfortable condition. This is where your munchkins stick to your leg like super glue. No matter how much you peel and shift awkwardly in front of your boss, girlfriend or priest, the attraction of balls to leg is too strong.
Going commando is the only effective way to set this problem straight. It provides easy access to the boys so if they get to swinging one way or the other, its an easy, unobstructed path. No underwear to bunch up and chafe, so you have to adjust it before you adjust yourself.
But going commando is more apt to get you that gnarly case of swamp ass. Wearing jeans helps, as they are darker and the sweat won't show up as much. Again, a light powder on your baby batter makers lessens the chances of magnet ball. Too much powder, though, and its dick cheese central for you, buddy.
Nothing sucks more than scraping excess powder that turned into sludge from that spot between the side of your leg and the side of your balls.
I'm sorry if the women of Uber feel left out. But remember, if you have a rack, under-tit sweat is like swamp ass for guys. Just so you have something to compare it with.
My name is Sunjunkie, and I suffer from swamp ass.
Original article source: http://www.ubersite.com/m/38690
